ul·te·ri·or (&l-’tîr-ē-&r)
adj.

1. Lying beyond what is evident, revealed, or avowed, especially being concealed intentionally so as to deceive: an ulterior motive.
2. Lying beyond or outside the area of immediate interest.
3. Occurring later; subsequent.

Maybe I am overly paranoid. I have difficulty in truly trusting people. Do not get me wrong. Once you’ve attained my trust you have it wholly and without fault. I rarely, if ever, second-guess those I truly trust. Although, there are few, very few, I can say I am able to utterly rely upon.

No matter how nice the person, I almost always feel there is an angle. I sense there is more to what they say or how they act. Even the ones that appear pure and genuine, at times. In the back of my mind I can hardly help but let my mind populate what ulterior motives lie in their unsaid conscious.

Predominantly, I do not believe people have it out to get me. It isn’t that people are estrange because I go against the grain. It is more because I believe strongly in human nature. I presume even more unequivocally that the preponderance of people look out for numero uno. When someone bestows kindness upon me undeserved I ponder, I question. As I shrug in puzzlement I allow my cognizance to contemplate why someone would do me a favor when it is obviously going to set them back. It is a gain for me and a loss for them. Who, in their right mind, would do this (Note: This excludes family, friends, loved ones, etc. for obvious reasons)? I speak this with a bit of hypocrisy becacuse I do it on occasion, but I know my own hearts content and I do it because when it really comes down to it… I just don’t care and it doesn’t matter to me. Simply put, I have a hard time believing that someone would go out of their way to accomodate me.

Why the ulterior motive(s)? Why not be open about your intentions? Why not be genuine?

Blunt. Trenchant. Candid. Straightforward. Abrupt. Impudent.

The voluminous amount of people I meet and/or know are seldom any of the listed.

Covert. Ambigious. Enshrouded. Recondite. Incognito. Shrouded.

This is how the vast majority are. We side-step the difficulty. We take the long way around to avoid the conflict. We’d rather give up pride and self-respect than front the encounter. We put up a façade to mask our true intentions. We are devious, deceitful, and dangerous. We wish to put up a phony pretext that we are something we are not. We want people to see us in a light of a different shade. A shade not our own. It’s BS.

I have… issues when it comes to honesty, if that were not already evident by now. I understand that people lie. I lie. I am not blameless. Although, I feel there is a proper time, place, and reason for it that makes some lying acceptable, on one level or another. I suppose this could simply be my manipulation talking so I can rationalize the action of my lies. In any case I’ll continue to spout off.

Some admissible lies are:

  • Lying to protect a friend. To a certain extent. Pleading the 5th is the best, but if it will leave them open to suspicion, I understand.
  • Telling a loved one that they look better than they actually do; or saying they did a better job than they actually did. I do not condone it, but I understand and I am guilty of it at times.
  • Lying to cover up something sweet or nice you did or are going to do for a person. Lying to surprise them is forgivable.
  • Other minor, small things of little importance.
  • Etcetera.
Personally, I don’t like people telling me that I did a better job than I really did. I excuse it because its human nature, but it doesn’t mean I like or appreciate it. I personally prefer and admire bluntness. I won’t promise you that I won’t be offended or hurt. It is bound to happen. I am able, however, to assure you that I won’t hold it against you or be mad/upset with you. The truth is harder to say, but easier to hear.

Honesty is such a fine line though. Relationships. Relationships can cause honesty to be difficult. Everybody has their own opinion and viewpoints on this. Obviously I have mine. Relationships don’t have to be 100% honesty. Now hear me out. I don’t believe you have to tell your bf/gf/husband/wife everything. A guy hits on you at work and you come home and tell me about it. Refrain, please. I do not want or need to know this information. This is why you have girlfriends. Tell them that you think Richard Gere is cute. I do not need to know.

Again, it is such a fine line where extreme discretion and common sense need to be exercised to its utmost ambit. I don’t need to know the events of your day. I’m a male. It isn’t that I do not care, necessarily, it is that it simply does not interest me. I cannot fix it. I does not bring about conflict. So it is simply uninteresting to me. Instead of walking out of a movie saying, “That was a cute movie.” Say something along the lines of, “Wow, there is no way a police would have taken action like that because, well, first, police don’t carry around Uzi Sub-Machine guns and then they obviously don’t open fire in such public and populated locations.” That brings conflict. That brings interest. So, if you want to tell me about your day, tell me in a way that will bring interest. If a man hits on you, tell me how you kicked him in the nuts and broke his nose.

Of all characteristics, I think I respect, admire, honor, and appreciate honesty above them all. Respect me and be honest and I’ll show you the same respect. Criticize me. Critique. Not all of my posts can be “nicely written” can they? My opinion cannot always be accurate, can it? Tell me I’m wrong. Dare me. Honor me. Show me.

/end_mindless_rant